Today, as a sort of welcome back world, I’m going to rant a bit. Don’t fear, it’s not all doom and gloom, but I just read an article that talked about how we tend to filter out all the not so great parts of our days/weeks/lives on social media sites like FaceBook and that we shouldn’t be afraid to post the not so great aspects as well as the awesome ones. So, I’m running with that sentiment for this post.

My main message here (and all of you with children I’m sure will say a silent Amen! to this) is that parenting is hard. And the hard parts come in all shapes and sizes and at unexpected times so it’s rarely something one can prepare for. For those of you that know me, you know that the not being able to plan part kills me! Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me – because I’m so type A and love to have a schedule to look at, a list to check off and a plan to refer to – and a lot of raising kids is none of that. It’s kind of trial by fire and what works for one kid may not work for another and we are constantly challenged to “get it right”.

“Overwhelmed” does not even being to describe what I feel on a daily basis. All of the articles telling you to do this and not that, the friends postings about how wonderful their time spent with their children is and how creative they are with them, the family guilt of never seeing one or the other enough, the work/life balance – it’s exhausting. I feel a lot like the Cat in the Hat – holding all of these things while balancing on a ball – I can’t veer too much off course, lest all of these things will fall.

I thought having my first baby was hard. That was nothing compared to having the second. Did anyone else find it so much harder to adjust to having two? There is literally ALWAYS a child with you. And since my youngest is only 7 months old and not able to do ANYTHING on his own, it’s physically exhausting as well. Want to leave the room to go upstairs? Better grab the baby first. And since the baby is going, then of course big brother wants to go too. Want to go to the bathroom? Better leave the door open – oh and as soon as you sit down, one or the other child WILL start crying or need something at that exact moment, or the world will end. AND we have a dog who needs to go out as SOON as the kids and I get home from work/school. And we live in a townhouse with no yard so her going out requires that I (and my entourage) go out as well. And so on and so forth (you get the picture).

But, for all of the weariness, there are kisses and hugs, for all of the shouting, there are I love you’s and please and thank you’s and for the toll that has been taken on me physically by producing these two human beings, I get to wake up to these two faces every morning:

Two wild and crazy guys!

And it makes it all worthwhile. Well, most of it

The bad thing – I no longer have nearly enough time to properly devote to these things.

This is mostly because by the end of the day, when I do have a bit of time to participate in any of the above activities, all I can think about doing is crawling into bed and vegging out in front of the TV for an hour or so before bed.

When I wake up in the morning I have good intentions for the day. I always think about what I would like to do that evening:

• Maybe read the paper from that morning.
• Make some hand-made cards for upcoming events to have on file.
• Work on Jack’s baby book.

I must say that I have actually been starting the day off right. I manage to drag myself out of bed at 5:00 am and make it to the gym several times a week. On some of those days, when I’m doing cardio, I’ll take a book with me so that I can kill two birds with one stone.

And…that’s pretty much where the extracurriculars end for me.

I believe part of the problem is that my schedule has been ridiculous since the beginning of summer. I’m really hoping that now that things are calming down a bit I will feel more energized and not ready to fall asleep at 7:30 every evening (this happens to be right after Jack goes to bed). It’s like as soon as he’s asleep my body just decides that it’s finished its job for the day and has no interest in accompanying me to the creative portion of the evening.

Ah well. Things could be worse – and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way!

Ok so maybe snob isn’t the right word. But I’ve definitely become a lot more aware of what my family and I are eating.

It all started two years ago when I was pregnant. I had grand visions of preparing all of my baby’s food by myself and wanted to make sure he always had fresh, organic food to eat.

As most of you know, this idea never got any further than that vision. I just didn’t have the time, energy or storage space to puree all of that food.

But, in my research I discovered a community supported agriculture (CSA) program at a local farm, Breezy Willow  and signed us up!

I thought the idea of bringing home fresh fruits and veggies every week was genius – plus our money would be going to local farmers who would grow our food in-state.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with CSA’s, basically the premise is to buy local. Each one works a bit different but as an example, I’ll talk about Breezy Willow’s setup.

They are a small farm who link with other local farms to provide their members with fresh, locally grown food on a weekly basis for the months of June through November. They also have an “early bird” program from March-May that they supply with a lot of veggies and fruits from their cold cellars and they also partner with farms farther south to bring up some fresh fruit during those months.

You pay an up front fee and each week you go to your designated place of pickup to get your goodies. With this fee you get an assortment of fruits and veggies, eggs and homemade bread.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg though! They also sell a wide variety of different meats and cheeses, ice cream, milk, yogurt, sauces, jams, honey…I could go on. These are all sold for additional cost but they are well worth it!

This is where the snobbishness comes in.

Now that I’ve tried their stuff, I can’t go back to the grocery store varieties.

The ice cream and yogurt are to die for.

I now buy all of our meat and poultry from them as well – but that stems more from the fact that I like knowing that the animals were raised happy and healthy.

Don’t get me wrong. I still go to the grocery store every week for a good bit of our food shopping but being a part of this movement has really opened my eyes to how the food we put in our bodies is processed and what, exactly is put in it.

These are wonderful programs if you are fortunate enough to have something like it nearby. For us, it just makes sense and we are happy to be able to support our local farmers. We are also lucky in that I was able to coerce a good friend to split a share with us so we switch off on weeks for food and split the cost (the typical share is supposed to feed a family of 4 on a weekly basis).

We only have about a month left of the program for this year but have already signed up for next year’s season!

Enter today’s post:

Age: 1 1/2

Status: Gaining Independence

Interested in: The word “no”

About me: I live with my mommy and daddy and my dog Zoey. I am an early riser – I like to get up before the sun does.  I go to school every day and I love seeing my friends and playing outside. I also really enjoy my music & gym classes.

Hobbies: firetrucks, playing with trains, pushing my lawn mower, reading and coloring

Favorite Books: The Cat in the Hat, Goodnight Moon, anything by Eric Carle

Favorite TV shows: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Agent Oso, Little Einsteins (and yes I’m aware that he is not supposed to watch TV until he is 2 but sometimes it’s a necessary evil)

Even though Jack was born with a full head of hair, Mike and I had decided, in keeping with Italian tradition, to wait until he was a year old to get it cut for the first time.

Fast forward six months later to August, when it’s sticky and hot and his long curls are not only stifling and in his way, but also prompt every person who sees him to exclaim – “What a pretty little girl you have!!” And off we were to our first haircut.

In all honesty, the first couple of cuts went well. He sat fairly still and there was no fussing when the scissors came near him.

Then, somewhere in between his second and third cut he decided he REALLY didn’t like this process.

The drama would start as soon as the cape went on.

When the scissors came out – forget it. He was inconsolable. The shows he put on were Oscar-worthy.

I came to dread these sessions, which occur every 7 weeks or so, and somehow grew to include other family members. We would literally take over the salon and try everything we could think of to distract Jack from his hysterics.

We would give him his favorite snacks to eat.

We would make funny faces.

We would give him his own fan or water bottle to play with.

When all of the above failed to work, we’d tell him to stop his shenanigans and that there was no reason to cry because it didn’t hurt (yes, I realize that trying to reason with a toddler is pointless but when I’m in panic mode I fall back on what I know).

It got to the point where, when Jack saw where we were walking into, he would drop to his knees and immediately start screaming. This is when I decided there HAS to be a better way! So my natural next step was to pose the question on FaceBook and Voila! I had several solutions to choose from.

Some people found that giving a treat after was enough to calm their kids.

Others found that, as their children got older they just seemed to grow out of it.

Another suggestion, which I actually ended up trying, was to change locale. I also took it one step further (at the same friend’s suggestion) and had Mike take Jack to get his haircut. I simply removed myself from the equation.

And guess what?!?! Now dad has a new title to add to his resume: Official Haircut Chaperone.

When he first started learning to speak it was funny to hear him say it. He would just kind of singsong it in response to something we said and Mike and I would look at each other and say  -“Isn’t that cute?”

We are way past that point now.

He now says no to EVERYTHING. And he will stomp his foot while saying it if he REALLY means it.

Additionally, if he gets really mad or upset he will say “No Sir!” adamantly while stomping AND crying. It’s quite a scene to behold. (As an aside, he got the “No, Sir” from me – I say this to him on a regular basis when he is doing something he shouldn’t). If I had to guess what he would be when he grew up, at this point my money is on actor.

Whether or not this is a good or bad thing, this “no” syndrome doesn’t just happen at home, it also goes on at school and with pretty much anyone he comes into contact with that asks him a question or tells him to do something.

He even says no to the dog.

At this point it’s not just that he’s saying no, but rather that he means it. I will ask him to do something and then he will tell me no and either run away or we will get into a stare-down contest to see who’s more serious about what they want.

Enter the world of Time-Out.

Putting Jack in time-out when things get really ridiculous seems to do the trick – for now. And when I say, “does the trick” I use this term loosely because there have been several days where we’ve had 3 or 4 time-outs because of no before we even leave for school. He gets very upset and it’s hard to stick to but he stays there until he lets me know he is ready to listen.

To be honest, it’s exhausting to deal with.

That’s it. It’s official – I am ready to leave the Land of “No”.

I am now embarking on the Quest for “Yes”.

As you may or may not know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Along with that comes the annual Race for the Cure.

Did you know?

• The older a woman, the more likely she is to get breast cancer?

• Young women can and do get breast cancer, even in their 20s?

• White women are more likely to get breast cancer than women of any other racial or ethnic group?

• African American women are more likely to die from breast cancer than white women?

• Men can get breast cancer? Out of every one hundred cases of breast cancer, one will occur in a man.

I don’t know about any of you, but it scares me to death that there is a very real possibility of my getting this disease at some point in my lifetime. It also scares me that it’s hit way too close to home multiple times. Because of this, the lingering question in the back of my mind is not “What if?” but rather “When?”

Because this cause is something that is near and dear to my heart, I will be participating (along with my mom and my aunt) for the second year in a row. I’ve actually also convinced both of them to volunteer with me this year in addition to doing the race so we will be up and at ‘em at 5:30 am on October 23^rd.

As they say on the event page, we all know someone who has in the past or is currently battling breast cancer.

Some of us know more than others.

I want to find a cure and so am doing my small part to hopefully advance us closer to that goal.

If you are so inclined, I invite you to donate your time and/or money to this race as well.

If you’d like to make a monetary donation, please feel free to visit our family page at: http://www.komenmd.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=462362&supId=299323825

If you plan on attending the race, or just want more information, let me know!

I found the cutest costume and ordered it at the beginning of the month.

I was so excited when it arrived – I couldn’t wait for Jack to try it on.

That’s where the fun ends.

First, I took out the hat and put it on his head. What began as a surprised look of recognition quickly turned to anger as I placed it on his head.

But that didn’t stop me!

I then wrestled him into the suit, sure that if I could just get it on him and have him look in the mirror all would be fine.

I was wrong.

It actually made things worse.

He got REALLY angry.

He threw the hat on the floor while screaming “no, sir!”

It was at this point that I realized things were probably not going to get better. So, the costume came off.

We are now in the desensitization phase. Mike and I are hoping that by randomly exposing Jack to the costume at different intervals when he is happy, by the time Halloween rolls around it will be no big deal to put on the costume.

So began Phase One – wear the hat. This, (the one time we’ve tried it so far) has been a success!

It may have also helped that Mike read Jack the story of The Cat in the Hat while wearing the hat on his head and putting the costume around his neck.

Yes, my husband is awesome.

We will see what the 31^st of October brings! Will he or will he not wear the costume? Stay tuned…..

Since his graduation to the toddler room at the beginning of August, Jack has now had issues with hitting/pushing one of his friends who is still in the infant room.

How are they still in contact? He, like us, arrives a few minutes early for school in the morning so there is a waiting period in the area outside before the doors open at 8:30.

Recently, Jack just can’t seem to control himself and pushes his little friend whenever said friend gets too close. He doesn’t do it with any of the other kids, just this little guy.

I, being a touch on the dramatic side, have called school to discuss his behavior and lament over the fact that my child is already a bully. A lengthy conversation with the director, who gave me tips on how to calmly handle the situation when it occurs, left me feeling a bit better.

I’m fairly certain that Jack isn’t a bully at this point, but rather still has problems controlling his impulses – as most toddlers his age do.  Fortunately, the friends’ parents have been awesome about the whole thing and we have been able to work together when the boys are around each other to minimize the problem.

This whole situation got me thinking about the importance of parental involvement in a child’s life both in and out of the home.

Chances are Jack would just outgrow this behavior regardless of whether or not I had intervened. But I saw this as an opportunity to teach him about proper conduct and so took action.

To me, these little lessons are important for laying a strong foundation for him to draw from when I’m not around to mediate.

Right now these kids are like sponges and they pick up on everything we say and do so leading by example is key. (And no, Jack’s father and I do not go around hitting and/or shoving people so he did not pick up this behavior from us)!

So, not to go all Whitney Houston on you, but these children ARE our future so we should teach them well so that they will be able to lead the way (and you’re welcome for getting this song stuck in your head for the remainder of the day).

Why am I sharing all of this? Because, after several days of self pity and beating myself up,  I’ve decided to keep on writing anyway. I have several columns already written that I had planned to submit and since I did the work, why not submit it somewhere? Even if there are only 3 people that read this, it’s better than having these things just sit in my saved documents.

So, I’m starting with the latest article that I had submitted for my column but will not be run. I hope you enjoy it.

A Little Help From My Friends….

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down”.  ~ Oprah Winfrey

Luxuries like taking a shower that lasts longer than 5 minutes are a thing of the past.

Going to the bathroom on my own is no longer an option (unless I want to shut the door and listen to my child scream on the other side the entire time I am in there).

Getting dressed and doing hair in preparation for the work day could be something I could compete in at an Olympic level.

Makeup? I don’t feel it’s a necessity for my day to day so it’s been pushed to the “special events” roster.   My coworkers and the general public may not agree but fortunately for me, they don’t get a vote.

Eating a full meal while sitting at the table – I can’t even remember what that’s like. In addition to helping Jack through his meals, I now use eating as an opportunity to multi-task: putting dishes away, opening mail, preparing lunches etc.

In the midst of all of this newfound sharing of space and time every waking second of the day, it’s easy to lose one’s sense of self.

Luckily I have a husband who is a big proponent of keeping me happy so I get at least one night a month all to myself – Girls Night Out.

Sometimes it’s just one or two of us and sometimes it’s a group.

Sometimes it’s a chic flick or a local concert and sometimes we go all out and actually leave Columbia and head to Baltimore for a night of dancing.

Whatever the activity, it’s just nice to be able to get out and not be “mama” for awhile.

The thing is, it doesn’t really matter what the background setting is, it just feels good to get out and talk to other women and know they feel the same pressures I do and have the same anxieties and fears. And sometimes there isn’t even that much talking involved – it could be just as much about listening to some good music and making each other laugh with our dance moves.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and son but these nights are as important to me and my sanity as a good nights’ sleep (which happens with about the same regularity).

I don’t think I ever really appreciated the importance of being able to surround myself with a good group of friends until I had Jack. I’ve made a number of moves over the years and with each one I seem to have been able to add several really great people to my circle. They, along with my wonderful husband, are the key ingredients to my being able to manage this crazy ride and for that I am thankful.